I sit here today after a great week away from home, and suddenly I feel so sad. The day that I have been dreading finally arrived. I sit here and look at some legal papers that sum up a lifetime of living, and it breaks my heart.
I remember that young bride of 18 thinking that life just couldn't be any better than that beautiful April 4th day 1980. I was in love with the man of my dreams. My soul-mate I thought.
I remember the day that our beautiful daughter was born and how happy we were starting our family, and thought that life just couldn't be any better than this. We were now a FAMILY. Five years later we were blessed with a beautiful boy and I remember thinking that God was so good giving us a boy since there wasn't any boys on my side of the family. I just thought that life was perfect and just couldn't get any better.
I remember the first words, steps, first days of schools, graduations, and down through the years how it was so important to be a FAMILY, and then suddenly one day it all changes and one walks away from all and I just can't understand this no matter how hard I try and reason it out.
Now it all comes down to 8-10 pages of legal papers that tell me it is all over and I am now an unmarried person. What am I suppose to do now, my identity is gone, I am no longer a wife, no longer someones sweetheart, just someone that caused another so much pain and misery that they opted to leave it all behind and start a life with another. My heart will forever be broken and sad. I'm not sorry for the 30 years that I invested in my marriage I am thankful for what I had.I had faith that things would work out clear up until the end but really who was I kidding just myself. That marriage gave me two beautiful children which I love more that life itself. I want then to know that I Love them very much and they are my life.
I guess that it comes down to CLOSURE I guess now I can finally have that. Life does go on, it is not ever going to be the same for me but I will go on.
4 comments:
mother mother mother.....those papers sum up nothing. Definately not 30 years of marraige. the kids you had the memories you had that sums up your life. papers are papers just like you marraige certificate was just paper. you made memories im sure you wouldnt trade for anything else in the entire world. You may not have the same role you used to but now you have a role thats JUST as important. We need you to be the grandma thats in these kids lives. Not a grandparent that occasionally comes around. You should have learned through your trip that you are at a different part but a part of your life thats just as good as what you had. You still have the people in your life that matter, so get your head out of the sand & enjoy US!! We love you!!!
It has been said that death is easier to handle than divorce and I believe it to be true.
My dear, your life can be better! Different, but better. I'm so sorry for your shattered hopes and dreams. Unfortunately, we have to live with the choices other people make. A sad reality. But Jesus is there and will carry you. In fact, He HAS carried you even when you didn't know the outcome, He did. One day you will be able to look back and see that He has used this to bring good things back into your life. Just hang in there. You'll see.
Been thinking about you! Know that you ARE loved and DO NOT cause me misery!!! Praying for you.
Enjoy spoiling your new grandbaby! :)
God still has a special place for you and will use you to help others. You do have a precious family to love and be loved by them. You are a much stonger person, even if you don't think so, and God will continue to give you new grace each day. Don't let Satan beat you down, you have much to offer and may God continue to bless you!
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